Confidence. Something I know we all strive to have. Whether you do feel confident or don’t, we’re all striving for more of it. I have struggled with body imagine since I was young. Always always always comparing myself to everyone else in the room. I remember doing this in elementary school, high school, college especially, and even now. I have realized since being in a new relationship, new living situation, new everything how much I lack confidence. .
I think I thought I had it and was doing so well because of likes on my Instagram and not being surrounded by many people when I lived in Keene last year. So I wasn’t dressing up, I stayed in scrubs for work and workout clothes for everything else. And then I go to get dressed up now to go out with friends and it’s the biggest struggle, I don’t like anything I put on and always just end up wearing the same things because it’s comfortable. .
There’s things that people say through out your life that just stick with you forever whether their negative or positive, but we tend to keep those negative thoughts in our heads.. or you just always wish you looked like someone else. .
I think with me though it’s been the fact that people don’t know how to respond when I say I’m not in college. But what they don’t realize is that I’m in such a better place because I’m not there anymore. People think that it goes grade school, college, graduate, get a job and be successful. But that’s not always the case. And I have had to learn how to be confident in my response when someone says “so are you almost done with school??” .
And then just feeling confident and sexy and comfortable with my body is sooooo hard. I haven’t felt that way lately and I keep nit picking at things I could change in order to be that way. It’s little things too like when my boyfriend compliments me.. I don’t know how to take it and I just get awkward, I don’t believe it. One night he said in a stern not really yelling voice about how I need to just be comfortable because I’m sexy “you are sexy god damnit, you are sexy” and I need to just believe it... that stuck with me. He may not remember saying it but I do.
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